aku dalam dilema sekarang ni.

Rabu, 14 November 2012

cita-cita

Aizad had given me an idea to write an entry today. it is about an ambition or in malay , cita² . it simply means what do you want to be in the future. since we were child , teachers in primary school or kindergarten would certainly ask you.
teacher : okay fakhriah. what is your ambition ?
me : what is that ? ambition ? I do not know that word.
teacher : ohh how cute you are. ( whahahaha ) ambitions means cita-cita lah.
me : oh I see. yeah I want to be a teacher.

yes, dulu saya nak jadi cikgu. cikgu bahasa inggeris. because I love English since I was in Year Three, bhahaha actually I love my English teacher, well admiring your teacher will make you admire the subject taught too right? the psychologist says, i am not. kidding only. well (again) , everyone must have one ambition , because ambition will inspire you to work hard. it is like an immune that help you to fight viruses and bacteria that get into your body system. okay back to the story, actually I am a person who like to change my ambitions time by time. because seldom I found that mine is always manipulated by the situation.
bila masuk sekolah menengah, I took an Arabic subject. yes I love it very much. then I said, 'ohh I dont want to be an english teacher lahh, I want to be an arabic teacher.'  but I still love English subject. :)
then, masuk upper form. ambil sains tulen punya aliran, masa ni saya seolah² takde cita². because my ambition always changes, sat nak jadi cikgu english sat nak jadi cikgu bahasa arab, sat nak jadi itu nak jadi ini. masuk upper form, since kami ini bakal masuk universiti lah kononnya, our teachers were always stressing us with future careers. they said ;
'kamu semua ni kan ambil aliran sains, tak payah lah jadi cikgu,pilih kerja yang kelas² sikit.'
'yang mana ambil biologi, jadilah doktor okay.'
'kerja yang bagus macam doktor tinggi gajinya.'

I heard all of their words. we then had a 'crisis', yes a psychological crisis. because everyone changed their ambition, some did not but some did. I did ! I wrote in my notebook 'I want to be a doctor'. BUT I did not know what this career is actually about. I opted doctor because I love Biology. after SPM result, I tried to ask myself 'what actually I want to be?' yes I want to be a doctor, because of some reasons .
everyone dreams to be a doctor. my best friends want to be a doctor. my facebook friends also want to be a doctor. then since I was at hospital having my treatment, medical students are the people those I meet everyday. I love to see they learn and communicate with patients. then I fixed my heart, I want to be a DOCTOR. My ummi also wants me to have medicine course as my path.
when I entered matriculation, I choose module three as there is Biology subject instead of Physics. saya fikir Biology dekat matrik senang nak skor macam SPM tapi huh, belajar senang tapi nak skor, I need to work very hard. the diverse terms, but if the students who really really love Biology, they can survive. because in their brain, there is only Biology subject. they sleep with Biology and they wake up with Biology. haha, I am kidding sorry (-__-!)
time walks. I meet many seniors and kakak abang, even my seniors mostly are medical students but my soul, does not like medicine anymore. I do not know why, maybe I started to not love Biology like the first time I took it. It is complex for me when I am in exam hall answering the questions, but it is still an interesting subject. HAHA. I am full with excuses. okay. I always get A in my English ( hello I am not showing off ), and I use English in almost things, like writing reminders,talking to cicak yang selalu bermain di meja study and when I want to sleep, I pray to Allah in English. Everyone needs an ambition, yes I am too. even ummi said, 'belajar dulu,baru fikir cita²' . I study when I have an aim. 
then I decide, I want to pursue my studies in TESL. even I take science in matriculation and my upper form, for almost 4 years right, but my heart says that I want English. I know TESL is not about we learn the English, we learn to teach the English itself. I have my own aim already. Alhamdulillah. I hope it will not change after this. because
I am tired thinking of ambitions . 
Bye assalamualaikum !