aku dalam dilema sekarang ni.

Jumaat, 10 Mei 2013

Istikharah ? (Part 1)


Assalamualaikum.

Tajuk di atas sangat sinonim untuk yang mahu berkahwin. Tetapi bukan itu hasrat saya. Err, perlukah saya menulis entry ini dalam bahasa Inggeris? Like before, I love to write in English. My notes, my diary and also my reminder, I write all of them in English.

Istikharah, I started doing this when I was in second semester of matriculation. Today is the 10th day where I have just finished my matriculation program in Kolej MARA Kulim. Together with my status as an ex-student of KMK,is a box of sweet memories there. I learnt many meaningful things, thank you Allah for placing me there. Talking about istikharah, I did it every day because I hope Allah will give me 'ilham' for quizzes, examination and steps I took in managing a matter. But, when I was in half second semester, my computer science lecturer said,

" Di usia kamu ni dah boleh mula berdoa moga Allah berikan jodoh terbaik."

Actually, sometime I think that I was not good for somebody good. A lot of khilaf I had done in my past makes me feel very hard and negative-minded. It is like, 

" Aku hanyalah kaca,bukan intan mahupun permata."

But I dream to have a pious, educated and handsome nice guy to lead me in my forever life. Everyone dreams to have all those characters of husband right? Same goes to me. :)

Because I really wanna have the type of husband,I kept praying and doing istikharah. During my qiam,I prayed to Allah, hope Allah will give me a better leader than myself. I really hope it. I am now 19 years old, I do not like to mix such this thing with my education. Both are different. I have my own ambition and aspiration. So please and please, do not say,

"Tak perlu fikir pasal jodoh lagi. Belajar sampai habis dulu."

I do not think so far about JODOH actually. I just pray for it. No offence right? 

After I finished my final exam, I returned home. Being at home without occupation, is boring. I contacted my senior, Inseerah Hanim which she now is in Austraulia,doing her studies in Engineering. I spoke to her about 'jodoh' and she laughed at me. I know, that is funny but I just want to speak about it.

A few days after that (I will write in Malay), dia memberitahu saya tentang seorang hamba Allah ini,bertanyakan saya melaluinya. Saya ketika ini masih dalam proses 'berehat' selepas final examination, hairan. Siapa dan kenapa? Katanya pelajar Darul Quran. Saya tidak berkata sepatah dua sebagai respon, tetapi menyerah sebulatnya pada kakak senior saya itu untuk menguruskannya. 

Saya jangka tentu orangnya berpendidikan agama yang baik. Apatah lagi dari Darul Quran. Ketika ini kakak belum memberitahu saya namanya dan bagaimana orangnya meskipun kakak menghubunginya melalui Facebook. Saya teringat kata-kata Ustazah Zuriah,

"Nak cari pasangan hidup,pilihlah yang sekufu."

Saya membuat perbandingan dengan diri saya. Banyak perbezaan. Saya pelajar aliran sains sedangkan dia pelajar aliran agama. Latar belakang keluarga pun agak berbeza. Menenangkan diri ialah cara terbaik buat saya untuk menghalang diri daripada terus memikirkan hal ini. Saya seorang yang biasa sahaja, dan dia bagi saya sangat baik dan well-educated. Katanya bakal melanjutkan pengajian di Mekah dalam Usuluddin.

"... Sesungguhnya Allah melaksanakan urusan (yang dikehendaki) Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah telah mengadakan ketentuan bagi tiap-tiap sesuatu." - [Surah Ath-Thalaq, 65: 3]

Terus terang saya katakan,saya tidak mahu lagi berfikir tentang hal tersebut.Oleh kerana itu,biarlah kakak senior saya membuat urusannya. Saya tidak memintanya mencarikan saya jodoh,tetapi Allah menyusun jalan ceritanya. Keyakinan bahawa Allah ialah perancang terbaik,menjadikan saya terus istiqamah beristikharah. 

“Jika datang kepada kamu pinangan daripada seseorang lelaki yang kamu reda terhadapnya, agama dan akhlaknya, hendaklah kamu terima. Kalau kamu menolaknya, padahnya adalah fitnah dan kerosakan di muka bumi.”  [Rasulullah SAW]

May Allah bless you. :)