aku dalam dilema sekarang ni.

Jumaat, 10 Mei 2013

Istikharah? (Part 2)

Three weeks before my final examination, I changed my jilbab. From tudung bawal to tudung bulat. This is because of several reasons. I really love to see Oki Setiana Dewi (below picture). She is comel and sweet ! But I wanna say, berjilbab labuh doesn't mean I wanna show I am good person, I just want to turn over a new leaf. Plus, an influence came when I befriended with friends who wear jilbab labuh in Islamic College Society (ICS). It is not a drastic change but I started to change when I tried to attend solat berjemaah lima waktu di surau kolej. Di KMK, solat berjemaah tidak diwajibkan dalam peraturan. Tetapi digalakkan.

Again, I write this post because I want to have an archive,about the syabab. :) I know there are people who have the same thing, and this is an encourage for teenagers,please do not seek for cinta monyet because it will ruin and disturb your studies. Yes, I admit it when I say, we should not mix the both matters but if you can manage and handle it well,it will affect your studies. What do I mean here, cari pakwe bukan cara nak sukses belajar. I have gone through that thing, so I know and I realize it is not good for adik-adik di bangku sekolah. Okay?

My senior continued talking about him. I just chatted with her like usual,without saying "Kak,saya taknak cakap pasal ni." Deep in my heart, I did not like to talk about him. Wasteful. But because I appreciate her synergy to introduce him to me,layan saja. I kept my istikharah and du'a in each of my sujud. May Allah lead me the rightest way. Next day, she gave me the syabab's picture via Facebook. Gosh ! I did not like him.

Because for me he is 'agak berisi'. I do not say he is fat, but his body size is bigger 2 times than me. I said NO to her but she persuaded me, that the syabab said he is in diet now. I still with my NO.

One day, after solat fardhu I got his SMS. Frankly speaking, I don't like that way he approached me. SMS is one of the starter of 'hubungan tak diredhai'. Moreover, he is an ajnabi. I should avoid him. But my heart was like saying, "tunggu apa dia nak cakap." I replied his SMS. Then he asked me,my acceptance? I was shy with the question. "Nak balas macam mana ya?" My heart dumped fast.

He asked me for not being too jumud. He just wanted to know me and I should too. I accepted his advice. Masih menjaga dan sentiasa menjaga. Menjaga here, more to berhubung according to syara'. And during my contact with him, he attempted to be caring and remind me to something good. I appreciated him. But, I seriously am very shy with each of his words. Honestly, everything is going to be fine. I confide he knows how to manage this well. :)

I do not miss to pray for Allah's guidance. Allah knows everything. I saw the result day by day. Alhamdulillah. I made my own survey on him, I asked my friend who is studying in IQT and my ustazah. But I remind myself, do not forget the step of ISTISYARAH. This is vital, asking my parents. Their decision,is my decision. 

"Dan tidak ada salah untuk kamu berkenaan apa yang kamu bayangkan (secara kiasan) bagi meminang perempuan (yang dalam edah kematian suami), ataupun berkenaan kamu menyimpan dalam diri (keinginan berkahwin dengan mereka). Allah mengetahui kamu mengingati mereka (yang demikian itu tidaklah salah), namun kamu jangan membuat janji dengan mereka dalam sulit, selain daripada menyebut kata-kata (secara kiasan) yang sopan." [ AlBaqarah:235]

That's all. :)
May Allah bless you.